I'm very obsessive about my bed being made. Weekends, weekdays, someone still in the bed, I'll make it. I was very late for work once years ago and didn't make it(yes, just once) and when I came home from work I had to make it before I could go to bed. I've been known to remake it if Terri makes it and the covers or pillows aren't just right. It's a sickness, I know. It's so much of a sickness, that this morning when I pulled this challenge out of the box, I had already made the bed...and I was still in it! No kidding. While still laying there, I pulled up the blankets and comforter, fluffed and straightened the pillows, and then sat up and pulled this challenge. (The challenge rules are to pull a challenge out of the box each day before I get out of bed - it doesn't say anything about before making the bed). So I actually had to unmake and mess up the bed for this challenge.
"We don't have to make the bed all week?" my wife asked a bit too cheerily this morning. "No, I can't make the bed - you can still make it," I replied. She just laughed. That bed is so not getting made this week.
Someone asked me once years ago why it was so important to make my bed if no one was going to see it but me. "What if someone breaks in?" I responded. Huh? Like I want to impress a burglar? I'm just a freak. I know it. I won't argue with you.
More than I need my desk neat, my drawers organized, and my car clean, I need my bed made. All will be well in the world if my bed is made and everything around me is orderly. It's as if my brain cannot focus and my breathing cannot regulate unless everything around me within my control is controlled. Like the clutter muddles my brain and obstructs my air way. Is that borderline or full OCD?
I LOVE everything neat as a pin and completely clutter-free. I don't think that will ever change. Yet, I also realize that my need, my demand, my unbending attempt to completely control the planets and stars of my universe have held me back. My need to have all the chores done and everything in its place before I can relax and go have fun has prevented me from living fully.
I'll never be a slob. I don't want to be. That's not the point of this challenge. I love that I love neatness and order. The point is to let go of the attachment, the judgement associated with disorder. I want to learn how not to be knocked out of orbit when shoes are on the floor and dishes are in the sink...and the bed isn't made. I want to be able to play around clutter and leave the house if the bed isn't made and understand that life as I know it will be OK.
Part of the reason for doing this crazy 50 Days to Fabulous 50 Challenge is to loosen my grasp on some of the things to which I hold on so tightly...the things that also hold me back. I don't want to be on my deathbed thinking, "I wish I would've lived life more and had fun, but at least my bed was made."
So for the rest of the week, my bed will be unmade. I'm doing pretty good so far. I'm functioning, able to work, not having any anxiety, and no burglars think any less of me. I might really cut loose and invite friends over for a dinner party this week at our house with an unmade bed. Oh, this challenge is turning me into such a wild woman.
No comments:
Post a Comment