Challenge Conclusion

Yesterday was the last day of the challenge. Today I turned 50. Do I feel fabulous?

The idea behind this 50 day challenge was to help me feel absolutely fabulous on my 50th birthday. The challenge itself was to perform 50 days of random acts to stretch me out of my comfort zone and welcome in more love, courage, generosity, and overall positivity.

First I want to acknowledge and thank all who took this journey with me - my wife and daughter, the ladies in the office who organized the challenge, my wise women friends who submitted the challenges, and all my friends and family members who watched from the sidelines cheering me on. It was deeply moving and unexpected that so many people followed along. As of today, nearly 2400 views from 5 different countries - as far as Iraq and South Korea.

Over the past 50 days I've ditched work, read poetry, written poetry, written lots of letters, given gifts, given compliments, fed a homeless woman, tried to be still, tried to listen, tried to ride a unicycle, tried to play guitar, tried to be silent, danced, drawn, painted, baked, smiled and so much more.

As expected, each challenge inspired me in some way. What wasn't expected was the energy the challenges created. Like a magnet drawing things in or rippling out like a stone dropped into a pond. Or maybe the challenges didn't cause the energy. Maybe this kind of energy is around me all the time in all that I do. Maybe I'm just usually not paying attention. Maybe the challenge just helped me pay attention. Whatever it was, that was the very best part of the challenge - the unexpected energy and interconnections.

My least favorite part of challenge was the blogging. I am on a computer all day at work, so I'm not one who likes to be on a computer at home. And I'm not usually one who posts frequently on Facebook. I find it a bit narcissistic. My life isn't that interesting and I just don't think people really care or need to know what I do. So sharing what I did every day was uncomfortable. I struggled with the boundaries of privacy too - how much do I share?

There was a lot I didn't share. During the past 50 days there've been some very emotional and painful things that have happened in my life. As if a much more difficult challenge was occurring behind the scenes. Some days I was so low I couldn't imagine finding the will to perform the daily challenge. And on those days, it was often doing the challenge that lifted me up out of despair and kept me going. I don't think it was a coincidence that so many challenging things happened in my life during this challenge. The universe (God? Goddess?) is powerful and acts in intentional ways that we often find mysterious. In the end, I am grateful. This challenge helped me get through some very rough patches. Looking back I can laugh at some of the irony.

On a lighter note, yes, I feel pretty darned fabulous.

Today, per Challenge 8, my friend Elizabeth took me out to lunch. I was completely surprised and delighted when we walked into the restaurant and a bunch of friends were there for a surprise birthday lunch. It was awesome. I am blessed.

My wife and daughter gave me some fabulous gifts - a super cool watch with a recycled cork band and a hot pink (my favorite color) face and a beautiful silver "everything happens for a reason" energy bracelet.

Now we're getting ready to go out to dinner with some friends.

This challenge has reminded me that I don't need to be fixed and it's OK to let go. Indeed, letting go is much more fun and life is all about having fun.

Today I am 50. Today and everyday I am fabulous.

Day 50: Find a poem that expresses your love...

Challenge Day 50: Find a poem that expresses your love for Terri and read it out loud to her.

What a perfect challenge for my last one of this 50 day challenge. I adore poetry and today's challenge means I get to read lots of love-filled poetry. What a delightful pre-birthday gift. I love to read poetry aloud to Terri while we lay in bed together at night, so that's what I'll do. There is no one poem that fully expresses my love for Terri, so I've decided upon three.

The first is the Marge Piercy poem, To Have Without Holding, one I already know well. It is very special to me because it speaks to the difficulty of being vulnerable in love. It expresses more how I've learned to love Terri and allow myself to be vulnerable. The poem expresses how you must let go in love and how scary and painful that can be.

To Have Without Holding
Marge Piercy

Learning to love differently is hard,
love with the hands wide open, love
with the doors banging on their hinges,
the cupboard unlocked, the wind
roaring and whimpering in the rooms
rustling the sheets and snapping the blinds
that thwack like rubber bands
in an open palm.

It hurts to love wide open
stretching the muscles that feel
as if they are made of wet plaster,
then of blunt knives, then
of sharp knives.

It hurts to thwart the reflexes
of grab, of clutch; to love and let
go again and again. It pesters to remember
the lover who is not in the bed,
to hold back what is owed to the work
that gutters like a candle in a cave
without air, to love consciously,
conscientiously, concretely, constructively.

I can't do it, you say it's killing
me, but you thrive, you glow
on the street like a neon raspberry,
You float and sail, a helium balloon
bright bachelor's button blue and bobbing
on the cold and hot winds of our breath,
as we make and unmake in passionate
diastole and systole the rhythm
of our unbound bonding, to have
and not to hold, to love
with minimized malice, hunger
and anger moment by moment balanced.

The next, I Do Not Love You... by Pablo Neruda is a romantic poem that expresses the sweetness and mystery of love. This is my love poem to Terri.

I do not love you...
Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.


I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.


I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

The final poem, Love Should Grow Up Like a Wild Iris in the Fields by Susan Griffin, is about the deeper, more practical love that endures when romantic love matures. This poem more than any expresses my day-to-day love for Terri - my wife, life partner, mother of my child.

Love Should Grow Up Like a Wild Iris in the Fields
Susan Griffin

Love should grow up like a wild iris in the fields,
unexpected, after a terrible storm, opening a purple
mouth to the rain, with not a thought to the future,
ignorant of the grass and the graveyard of leaves
around, forgetting its own beginning.
Love should grow like a wild iris
but does not.

Love more often is to be found in kitchens at the dinner hour,
tired out and hungry, lingers over tables in houses where
the walls record movements, while the cook is probably angry,
and the ingredients of the meal are budgeted, while
a child cries feed me now and her mother not quite
hysterical says over and over, wait just a bit, just a bit,
love should grow up in the fields like a wild iris
but never does

really startle anyone, was to be expected, was to be
predicted, is almost absurd, goes on from day to day, not quite
blindly, gets taken to the cleaners every fall, sings old
songs over and over, and falls on the same piece of rug that
never gets tacked down, gives up, wants to hide, is not
brave, knows too much, is not like an
iris growing wild but more like
staring into space
in the street
not quite sure
which door it was, annoyed about the sidewalk being
slippery, trying all the doors, thinking
if love wished the world to be well, it would be well.

Love should
grow up like a wild iris, but doesn’t, it comes from
the midst of everything else, sees like the iris
of an eye, when the light is right,
feels in blindness and when there is nothing else is
tender, blinks, and opens
face up to the skies.

Day 49: Cook lunch for co-workers with only what is in your kitchen- no going to the market.

Challenge Day 49: Cook lunch for co-workers with only what is in your kitchen- no going to the market.

Gee, what a coincidence that some of my co-workers organized the challenge and this particular challenge is to feed them. I'm not entirely sure what the personal challenge aspect is. I imagine the friend who submitted this challenge assumed I'd want make a big fuss and having to cobble together a meal from our measly at-home fare would force me let go of that. Well, honestly, I dug through the pantry looking for the easiest thing to fix. It didn't occur to me at all to go all out. I didn't even bake a dessert or even consider it. And not cooking a perfect meal didn't phase me in the least. Maybe on day 1 of the challenge I'd have reacted differently and invested a lot of effort, but by day 49, no way.

Good thing we went grocery shopping a couple days ago. Even so, with a small family, we don't have much food in large enough quantities to feed my co-workers. I started going through the pantry. Hmm, well, cans of soup, a couple cans of assorted beans, a tube of polenta, dried beans and rice, plenty of pasta and a bag of russet potatoes. In the fridge, there was the usual stuff - milk, cheese, yogurt, lots of fruits and vegetables.

I decided on baked potatoes with all the fixings, a broccoli salad, sourdough bread, and for dessert - chocolate covered pretzels and gummy worms.

I brought everything to work and popped it in the fridge then let everyone know that today's challenge was to make them lunch. At 11:00 I ran downstairs and stuck the potatoes in the oven then went back to work. At noon I threw everything together and set the table. I even put a table cloth on the table - it was the least I could do. A few co-workers couldn't stick around for lunch but our Tuesday member volunteer joined us and another member happened to be in the office at lunch time and joined us too. There were about 5 of us. It was nice to sit down together and share a meal. It was a little chilly today, so sitting in the kitchen warmed by the oven was extra cozy. Even the "gourmet" gummy worms were tasty.

Day 48: Write a love letter to Terri.

Challenge Day 48: Write a love letter to Terri

I got extremely lucky in the life partner department and count my blessings every day for having Terri in my life.

She is the most thoughtful, caring, and genuinely nice person I've ever met. We've been through so much in the nearly 34 years we've known each other. We've never stopped being friends. She's my best friend.

I wasn't romantically interested in Terri when we were teenagers. Back then nice was a turn off. The perfect date had a letterman's jacket, cool clothes, great hair, and a rad car. Terri had none of those things. It wasn't until 15 years ago that I fully realized that everything I valued and sought in a life partner was right under my nose. By that time I had learned that NICE was the very best trait.

Terri lifts me up and makes me want to be a better person. And not because she demands it, because she doesn't and because she deserves it.
Without her I wouldn't know I even had a better self. I wouldn't know I could be kind. I wouldn't know it's OK to be vulnerable. I wouldn't know it's OK to let go of control. She's an inspiring role model.

I used to think she got the short straw with 2 strong-willed, volatile, difficult women like me and Maya in her life. But Terri wouldn't have it any other way. She lives and loves for helping others. And Maya and I need her help so much. We wouldn't survive without her.

Terri taught me that happiness comes from putting others first and that strength comes from kindness and compassion. She taught me that people matter more than stuff and that the dishes can wait- friends and joy are more important.

So it warmed my heart deeply today to write a letter to Terri telling her all these reasons why I love her so much.

After she read the letter she gave me a big hug and said, "Aw, how sweet. This is the only challenge I've liked."

"

Day 47: Answer "I don't know, what do YOU think?" EVERY time someone asks you for advice or a decision. Listen to what they have to say.

Challenge Day 47: Answer "I don't know, what do YOU think?" every time someone asks you for advice or a decision. Listen to what they have to say.

Advice or decision? Is decision the same as a question? Does that mean for each question I have to say "I don't know?"

Either way, epic fail on today's challenge.

I worked today and on Sundays my job is to provide support for the worship service and help church members and visitors. This is not a good day to be telling people "I don't know".

My best chance for success with this challenge would be with my family. So I didn't tell my wife what the challenge was.

This morning at work, a church volunteer stopped me to ask where the leadership training was. Fortunately, I didn't know, so when I told her, "I don't know" it was true. But there was no way I was going to say, "I don't know, what do you think?" That would just be obnoxious.

In the office, another staff member asked me if I have employment start dates for some childcare workers. How in the world could I look at her and say, "I don't know, what do you think?" It's my job to be helpful.

Later in the car, evidently I did something (for about the millionth time) to annoy my 13-year-old. She glared at me and shrieked, "What is wrong with you!?"

"I don't know, what to you think?" I replied.

What?! You're a freak!" she responded. I have to admit, it was a freakish answer.

Maybe dinner decisions would create a better opportunity, but nope. No advice or decisions were asked of me.

I get the point of this challenge - to empower others to make decisions on their own and reinforce that they know the answers. This is something I try to do regularly with my staff and my daughter. The opportunities just didn't present themselves today.

I'm OK trying and not succeeding at today's challenge. I'll keep the spirit of the challenge in mind for other days.

Day 46: Set a chime for every hour. Write down something you like about yourself. Just a quick note but be specific.

Challenge Day 46: Set a chime for every hour. Write down something you like about yourself. Just a quick note but be specific.

Oh, I've been wondering when the "write a list of what you like about yourself" challenge was going to come. One thing I don't particularly like is that I'm not very tech savvy. I have no idea how to set a chime on my phone or even it it's possible to do. I suppose there is an app I can download for that. There's an app for everything. This morning when we were home I just set the timer on the stove.

I must confess that later in the day I did not stop and remember to write something down every hour. I would write a few things, then skip a couple hours, then write a few more. Hey, it's day 46 - I'm allowing myself a little wiggle room.

So here's the list of what I like about myself - one for each hour I was awake today:

My sense of humor
I'm reliable - you can count on me
My creativity
I love to share (food, ideas, things, whatever)
My teeth - never had a cavity and my jack-o'-lantern gaps
I don't procrastinate
My love of physical activity/sports/exercise
My drive/motivation
I'm very healthy
Self-reflective - able to identify my misbehavior and good behavior
Willingness to apologize (and I do it a lot - see above)
I like that I'm very organized
I'm handy
I love being a morning person & waking up early energized
My laugh - especially the snort laugh
My body - I'm in great physical shape
I love all kinds of food - healthy appetite -not a picky eater

I asked Terri what she likes about me and my sense of humor was the first thing she said. I asked my daughter and she just said, "Huh?" and walked away.

Day 45: Leave a little gift for a neighbor you don't know very well.

This is a thoughtful challenge and sounds like fun. We have two new neighbors on the block so it's perfect. My go-to gift is always something baked since I'm a baker. I tried the "firefighter" cookies again and they turned out perfectly this time. I baked 5 dozen cookies so there were plenty to share. In addition to the new neighbors, I gave cookies to the neighbor who helped carry my new sofa upstairs and my next door neighbor who gave me lumber for a recent project. Still warm from the oven, I put each batch in it's own little basket and wrapped it with cellophane and a ribbon and included a note. Sadly I struck out at all four houses...nobody home. So I left the baskets on the porch.
As a consolation, my daughter ate some still warm with a glass of milk when she got home and loved them.

Day 44: Go on a walk and pick a bouquet of flowers for someone.

Challenge Day 44: Go on a walk and pick a bouquet of flowers for someone.

I love going on walks and I love flowers, so this will be a fun outing but I'm not too sure about picking other people's flowers. Curious to see what I'll find blooming this time of year.

After lunch, pruning shears in hand, I took a walk around the neighborhood with Sara, my accomplice. In the parkway between Orange Grove and Westmoreland was one of those gorgeous trees with large dark pink flowers. There just happened to be a few branches low enough to reach, so I cut off two. We continued around Prospect. Hanging over the sidewalk was a climbing rose bush with a clump of beautiful dark pink little roses - snip. My rules were no going into someone's yard. Flowers hanging over sidewalks or fences were fair game. On Prospect Crescent I cut a couple gorgeous climbing white roses outside a rear gate near a back garage. Back on Prospect a giant Bougainvillea from an upper yard was hanging over the sidewalk over our heads. I was just barely able to jump up, grab a branch and pull it down to cut off a bit. We found and snipped a couple other flowers along the way. The best part of all was just getting out of the office into the fresh air and chatting with Sara as we strolled. I take that walk often, yet the task of finding flowers encouraged me to take notice of all the beautiful foliage I normally overlook. The impressive houses on that route usually command most of the attention. Looking for flowers, I focused on nature's simple beauty instead.

When we got back to the office, I put the bouquet of flowers in a vase and gave it to Judy, our awesome office coordinator. She got a big smile and even posed for me.

Day 43: Bring an extra lunch to work and give it to a homeless person.

Challenge Day 43: Bring an extra lunch to work and give it to a homeless person.

I decided to pull a "yellow ribbon" challenge today. The "yellow ribbon" challenges are for work days only. After the Day 1 doozy yellow ribbon challenge, I've steered clear of them. But with only 7 challenges left in the box and 2 with yellow ribbons, I'm down to the wire. I was quite relieved to open and find this challenge.

I went to bed yesterday and woke up today feeling down, so maybe this challenge would cheer me up. Since I awoke early I decided to bake cookies to put in the lunch. I made the special "firefighter" cherry chocolate chunk oatmeal cookies. The house smelled delightful but when I took them out of the oven, they had collapsed and were flattened. Dammit. I can't give those away. I was disappointed and felt even more gloomy.

We have no lunchmeat for a sandwich. Terri suggested tuna. Tuna!? Really!? Gross. Who would eat tuna from a stranger? It's risky on a good day. So I made a couple PB & J sandwiches on Dave's Killer Bread with TJ's chunky peanut butter and raspberry preserves. What else? I added 2 apples, some different cookies, 2 granola bars, some primo Halloween candy. What about a drink? We don't buy bottled water, soda, or juice boxes. Hmm. A large bottle of Pellegrino? Nah. We just happened to have 2 cans of Golden Road Point the Way IPA. Probably against the good advice of any homeless advocate, I put the beer in the bag. What the heck. If I was on the streets I'd want a beer. The lunch was too heavy for a paper sack, so I put it in a canvas bag with a couple cloth napkins for dignity and added a little note..."Have a better day."

I headed out to find a homeless person upon which to bestow the lunch.

About a block from my house I've recently noticed what appears to be a small homeless encampment. I went there first. It's a few grocery carts, plywood and other objects covered in blue tarps and blankets and tied down with rope. I called out, "Hello" a few times with no reply. On top of the "tent" is a cardboard sign explaining that the property belongs to Hector, a war vet who is awaiting section 8 housing. Hector was not there and I could not tell if he lives there or would be back anytime soon, so I didn't leave the lunch.

At the off ramp near work, Helen, the homeless woman I met earlier in the challenge, often stays. A homeless man with his dog are also frequently there. So I headed there. No one was there at the off ramp nor did I spy any backpacks or grocery carts in the vicinity.

I've recently noticed a homeless man and woman setting up their camp on Walnut near the church so I went there next and drove all around that area. Homeless are often located at those overpasses and off ramps. I could find no one.

I drove up to Fair Oaks and down the freeway frontage road. No homeless.

Feeling even more down, I decided to call it a morning and head to work since I was already late. I'll try again later. I brought the lunch bag in and stuck it in the fridge. Someone brought fresh pastries from Porto's into the lunch room so I added some to the lunch bag.

On my lunch break I decided to try again. Judy in the office mentioned she had seen a homeless woman nearby when she had been at lunch. From her description I knew it was a woman I'd seen in the area. I pulled out of the parking lot and spotted the woman walking down the street. What luck! I drove down the street, turned around and waited for the woman. She was pulling a "granny cart" full of plastic bags. She's a rather attractive, slightly built woman who wears her long gray hair tucked up in a baseball cap with the cap down very low over her face and her head down looking at the ground. I had the sobering realization that for her own safety she probably tries the best she can to hide the fact that she's an attractive female. I called out to her, "excuse me, excuse me, are you homeless?" she ignored me at first then turned toward me and nodded her head. "Are you hungry? Do you want some food?" She shook her head no and kept on walking. Rejected. Now I was really feeling gloomy.

I drove to the park in Old Towne. There were several homeless people there. One was a woman filling a paper cup from the drinking fountain. I approached and called out Hello. She was now sitting on the ground and looked up at me sunburned face and dirty hair tied up in a bandana like Aunt Jemima, bed roll, a backpack, and a large stuffed teddy bear nearby. " Are you homeless?" I asked. "Yes, but just temporarily", she said. I offered her the food which she gladly accepted. She seemed surprised by the gesture. As I walked away she waved good bye and said thank you. I sat in the car a minute and watched her. She looked through the bag, pulling items out and setting them aside. She pulled out a sandwich, opened the bread and looked inside, then took a bite. She pulled out a can of beer, tapped the top a couple times, then popped it open. She took a swig then held the can out to read it then took another big swig. I smiled and drove away, my gloom beginning to lift.

Day 42: Draw a picture of your special space when you were 13...

...any space that was your favorite place to go to be yourself and feel comforted and safe.

As a teen and even young adult I went to the beach whenever I "ran away" to get away from the world. At 13 my bike was my freedom and we lived close enough to ride my bike to the beach. I'd just pedal away, wind on my skin, muscles aching, and head toward the ocean.  I could just sit on the sand and stare at the crashing waves for hours. Something about that vastness beckoned me in difficult times.
Sometimes I wish I could escape like that now. "Sorry Honey, wish I could stick around for more abuse from the teenager, but I'm going to the beach. See you in a few hours."
That probably wouldn't go over very well. Now I just go to my room and hide. Sigh.

P.S. Received a birthday card today from my aunt Jacquee. Opened it up after writing this blog post and it has a bike on the front of the card. Another of those freaky, cool challenge coincidences.

Day 41: Leave dirty dishes in the sink...

Challenge Day 41: Leave dirty dishes in the sink...all day. No putting away clean dishes either, in fact no cleaning kitchen or bathroom.

I must confess to feeling like a bit of a cheat pulling this challenge today because there were no dirty dishes in our sink, no clean dishes to put away and the bathroom got cleaned yesterday. The best part is we had plans to be out of the house playing all day so no meals at home thus no dirty dishes. I definitely got this challenge on the right day.

Since there's nothing to share about the challenge, I'll share highlights of our day. Maya's "Gotcha Day" was Saturday. Since we were so busy all weekend and were unable to celebrate it, we planned to celebrate today as we all had the day off together. Maya got to decide where to go and what to do. First stop, Umami Burger in Santa Monica where Maya got a Manly Burger. While eating my not-so-tasty beet salad, (not eating meat as part of this challenge), I enviously watched her eat the juicy burger. The tempura onion rings nearly made up for it. After lunch we headed to Venice Beach where we walked around, went into some shops, and walked barefoot and played in the sand. Then we headed to Santa Monica pier and played at the amusement park. We all rode the ferris wheel and watched the sunset. Heading toward home, we stopped at our favorite El Coyote for dinner. Maya has loved that place since she was a baby. For dessert, our last stop was House of Pies in Los Feliz. Maya loves pie.
What a fun day. Whew, I'm exhausted.

Day 40: Send an email to 10 friends – list each of the friends in the email and write a sentence about one thing you admire about each.

Challenge Day 40: Send an email to 10 friends – list each of the friends in the email and write a sentence about one thing you admire about each.

OK, I’m going to break the rules of this challenge by listing more than 10 friends and more than just one thing I admire about each. I love so much about all my friends. All are so kind and generous. If your name is listed below, please know that it was a challenge in itself not to go on and on about all I admire about you. I love you all.

My wife Terri is also one of my very best friends and has been for nearly 35 years. She is very kind-hearted and lives for helping others. She is more generous of her time and energy than anyone I know.

Kim is very sociable with such an endearing, effervescent personality. She loves people and is comfortable around any and everyone.

My friend and neighbor, Des, has true depth of character with unbending honesty and dedication.

Stephany is a free-spirited dreamer with a refreshing sense of wonder and curiosity, seeing infinite possibilities in the world. She has great resilience and isn’t afraid to take risks.

I am so impressed by my friend Sara’s unbridled enthusiasm and tireless energy.

Elizabeth takes the high road. She doesn’t gossip or get mired in negativity. She helps lift others up to be their best selves.

What I love most about Erin L. is her true sense of gratitude for the people in her life and her ability to express it with honest praise and thanks.

Michael is one of the most awesome men I’ve ever met. He is so gentle and loving – he loves kids and is an amazing father and teacher.

Sam speaks her mind and is fiercely loyal to her friends and family.

Wendy is composed and upright like a Jane Austen character. She’s got such sense and sensibility.

I love Helga's fabulous sarcastic sense of humor and admire that she gets up super early every morning to go running before she takes the train to work.

Paula is super smart – a rocket scientist geek and I love her wonderful, warped sense of humor.

My neighbor Erin is thoughtful and gentle, a great listener and my favorite exercise buddy.

Laura keeps people connected. She never forgets a birthday card and is constantly organizing walks, dinners, hikes, etc. to keep friends connected to one another.

Day 39: Wear mismatched socks and underwear that doesn't match your outfit.

Challenge Day 39: Wear mismatched socks and underwear that doesn't match your outfit.

This challenge was definitely submitted by my wife. She makes fun of me because I always wear under garments that match my outfit and she's the only one who knows. I can't help it. If I'm wearing a blue outfit, I grab blue underwear, a pink outfit, pink underwear. I don't put a lot of thought into it, it seems natural. Why not grab matching underwear if you have it?

But mismatch my socks? I mean, even a really lazy, clueless person still wears two socks that match. Wearing matching socks is pretty darned normal. But whatever, I'll wear mismatched socks.

When we went out this evening, my underwear definitely did not match my outfit. I wore jeans and a black top with pink underwear and a purple bra. Then I wore a brown leopard print sock on my left foot and a charcoal gray polka dot sock on my right foot. I even resisted the urge to wear boots so my socks wouldn't show. It was not difficult at all. No anxiety, no cold sweats. Maybe 39 days of this challenge has mellowed me.

Still not eating meat is much more difficult. The mac & cheese at the party was topped with bacon and I actually picked it all off. Little tiny pieces of bacon. Argh. I can't wait until my birthday. I'm going to have a meaty burger or steak, or something. Nothing against vegetarians, but I'm starving and my stomach is not fond of all the grains, beans, and legumes I'm consuming instead.

Day 38: Write a thank you note/note of appreciation to someone.

Challenge Day 38: Write a thank you note/note of appreciation to someone.

I didn't immediately know to whom I wanted to write the note, so I decided to let the day play out. The magnetic energy of the challenge may create space for something praise-worthy to happen today. Today was my day off. I had a doctor's appointment early morning then a dentist appointment then the dogs to the groomers in the afternoon plus contractors arriving to do work at the house all day. Opportunity for thankfulness abounds in a day like that.

As it would happen, my dentist has a new dental hygienist named Edward. He was fabulous. So professional and polite. He said please and thank you every time I opened and closed my mouth. With a full set of x-rays, that was a lot. He was very capable and precise, really exuded competence. And I love my dentist too. She is so friendly and professional. She runs a tight ship and treats patients very well. Her competent staff is no surprise - it's a clear reflection of her professionalism, patient care, and leadership. So when I got home I sat down and wrote a thank you card to my dentist and praised Edward.

Really everywhere I went today I was treated well and experienced excellent customer service. Kaiser Pasadena is awesome, I also stopped and got my free flu shot. Staff there were efficient and friendly. The guys working at my house from Carson Magness Landscaping did so with such speed and care, they keep a clean work site and are so polite and accommodating. And our local Hal's Pet Shop groomers are very friendly. Even my stop by the grocery store warranted positive results.

That saying "seek that which you wish to find" is so true. I was looking for the positive in all I did today and I found it. We really do have the power to create our own reality.

Challenge 36 Follow-up:
Terri and I went on a date tonight in our wedding dresses. We rocked the dresses with our footwear - studded black leather biker boots for Terri and hand-embroidered flowered black cowboy boots from Turkey for Alyssa. We felt a bit out-of-place in long formal gowns at the local pub, but whatever. We got more attention when I licked a crumb off Terri's lip. Something about these dresses makes us feel so connected and intimate. Forgot we were out in public. We really enjoyed looking at our wedding album again. We met in high school at age 16 so much has happened since. Wow!

Day 37: Write 4 Haiku throughout the day.

Challenge Day 37: Write 4 Haiku throughout the day.

Awesome! Whoever submitted this challenge either loves Haiku or knows how much I do.
And talk about gettiing challenges perfectly suited for each day. Today I have a lunch date with my good friend Erin to celebrate her birthday yesterday, and Erin loves Haiku. I wonder if she submitted this challenge. That would really be cool.

What I love about Haiku - the simplistic beauty, rythm and surprise - the connection between ideas that otherwise seems unrelated. Haiku, a type of short Japanese poetry, is traditionally about nature or seasons, juxtaposes two different thoughts or images and is based on a pattern of 17 sounds (what we call syllables)typically written in 3 lines of 5, 7, 5 sounds or 4 lines of 5,3,4,5 sounds.

Basho is my favorite Haiku writer. This morning I pulled out Haiku Harvest, a fabulous 1962 book of Japanese Haiku, and read several poems. Below are 2 Basho Haiku. Haiku is best spoken aloud to feel and fully appreciate the sound rythm.

Wrapping dumplings in
bamboo leaves, with one finger
she tidies her hair

this autumn
as reason for growing old
a cloud and a bird


Once I started thinking about Haiku this morning I couldn't stop. It was almost as if I was thinking in Haiku. Each step of my morning routine became a Haiku. I grabbed a pencil and paper and began scribbling. How could I write only 4 Haiku today? So from morning till night, here is my day in Haiku.

My day in Haiku

Kibbled bowl hits floor
Lola come!
Little lump moves
from under blankets

Hunched shoulders, head down
Mouth agape, thumbs move quickly
Breakfast with teenager

Moving in closely,
Smiling, eyes lock, hurried kiss
My wife leaves for work.

Scarf snug around nose
golden leaves
cold air on face
Morning scooter ride

Walking briskly by
the school yard filled with laughter
She stops to listen

Adding machine tape
Numbers, dates, names on a page
Payroll feeds workers

Close eyes, breathe in deep
spirit, body become one
Downward facing dog

In all its glory
fingertips gently caress
Behold the computer

Autumn sun warms face
blue sky laced with wispy clouds
lunchtime scooter ride

Two women walking
Thick as thieves,
laughing, joking
Happy birthday, friend.

Ambulance lights flash
Dangerous intersection
Front airbag deployed

Sharp edge inserted
rips through with such precision
Open mail brings joy

Weave around backpacks
skirt student obstacle course
walking through campus

Up-downs, plank, now squats
sprint back, then twenty push-ups
Thursday night boot camp

T.V. on demand
Fresh popped corn, extra butter
Home with family

Day 36: On hiatus. See day 35.

Challenge Day 36: See day 35.

On challenge hiatus day 36, Wednesday, November 6. No challenge today, just thinking about what I've done so far.

Day 35: Pick another item...

Challenge Day 35: Pick another item from the "box" to do today, but tomorrow do nothing from the "box" and just think about what you've done so far to this point.


Huh? So my challenge for today is not to do a challenge tomorrow and to pick a different challenge for today? Whoever wrote this one is trying to mess with me. Why not just say that my challenge today is not to do anything except think about what I've done so far?

The next challenge I pull out today is really challenge #36 but does it now become challenge 35 and does 35 become 36? I'm so confused.

So I guess since I'm not pulling a challenge tomorrow, I'll blog tomorrow about "thinking about what I've done so far". Or maybe that means I don't even have to blog tomorrow. It does say "just think". Maybe I'll take a blog break tomorrow. Forget maybe, I'm definitely taking a blog break tomorrow. No challenge, no blogging. Woohoo!

So I pick another challenge from the box.

Challenge #36, Day 35:
Ask Terri on a date. Doesn't have to be a fancy date. Dinner, movies, ice cream, a walk, wherever...but both of you need to wear your wedding dresses. After the date, pull out your wedding photo book and look at it together. Reflect on where you are now, how far you've come and your future together.

I tell Terri what the challenge is.

"How do I keep getting pulled into these challenges? This is your challenge, not mine", she says. Always the supportive wife.

"So I guess you didn't submit this challenge?" I ask jokingly. Me thinks the novelty of the challenge is wearing off for her.

The challenge is to ask her on a date today not take her today. Thank goodness, because we have bootcamp tonight. I'd hate to try doing squats, jumping jacks, or plank in my wedding dress. Though, it would be very amusing.

Fortunately, our wedding dresses aren't traditional white, poofy, lacy things. They are long, colorful cocktail dresses, and though still attention-grabbing, they are slightly easier to wear out in public. The most fun will be a low brow date so we will be very conspicuously out of place in our dresses. We decide upon a Friday night date of walking the dogs, taking Maya to soccer practice, and going out to the local divey pub for a beer.

Photos to follow. If you want to buy us a beer and get a good laugh, stop by Altadena Ale House Friday, 6:30pm - 8:00pm.

Day 34: Write a letter to yourself to open on your 75th birthday.

Challenge Day 34: Write a letter to yourself to open on your 75th birthday. What are your dreams for yourself? What was most important? What messages would you share with yourself at that age given the perspective you have now?

November 4, 2013

Dear Alyssa,
If you are reading this letter, it is the occasion of your 75th birthday. Happy birthday and congratulations!

If I did my job well, you are surrounded by loved ones and maybe even away adventuring in some exotic, distant land. If I did my job well, your face wears beautifully the lines of too much smiling.

I am writing this letter to you as part of the 50 Days to Fabulous 50 Challenge that you did before your 50th birthday. Remember? It was 50 days of challenges intended to bring positivity to your life and the lives of others so you’d turn 50 feeling absolutely fabulous. You were seeking ways to help you love and live more fully. Did it work?

I, the-Alyssa-nearing-50, have some regrets that I have not allowed myself to enjoy life enough. I’ve spent too much time being too hard on myself and angry about unimportant things. My goal is be kind to myself and others and learn to see the beauty in the world. Please tell me, 75-year-old-Alyssa, that those regrets gone. Can you say “mission accomplished”?

That’s not to suggest the journey is over. Oh, not at all. The joy in life is in the living every day. I bet you still love to stretch and challenge yourself. I hope you never stop striving. My hope is simply that you learned long ago that you don’t need improving to be good and worthy of love. You are wonderful just as you are and always have been.

I bet you still love long walks and getting up early. Do you still practice yoga? Are you a grandmother yet? Do you still love looking up to the sun to feel the warmth on your face? Did you ever learn to play golf? Oh, I have so many things to ask you.

I wish I could be there to hug you and whisper “I love you” into your ear. But I can’t. My gift to you instead is you. All that I am and doing now, I do for you. Your generosity, your warmth, the ache in your heart from loving so deeply, they are all my gifts to you. This work I do now, this soul searching, the apologies, the epiphanies, the tears of regret, of realization, of joy, they are all for you. The tenderness where once was hardness, is for you. The ability to see beauty and joy in the world is for you. I swept away the little annoyances and replaced them with charming life lessons. I showed you that it takes more strength to be gentle. I gave you hope. I put my faith in you. I replaced your fear with courage. I gave you all my love forever and ever.
Love,
Alyssa

P.S. Will you please buy me a beer and toast me?

Day 33: Fill out post-its with things you love ...

Challenge Day 33: Fill out post-its with things you love about Terri and Maya and put them around the house before they wake up.


What a perfect challenge to get for an early riser like me and on a weekend when Terri doesn't get up early and on a morning with an extra hour. I found a sharpie and gathered up all the post-it pads we have around the house. Damn, just little colorful note pads with no sticky on the back. Found the tape. I started writing out whatever came to my mind. At first I wrote their names across the top, then realized so many of the words described both Maya and Terri. So I just wrote out the words.

Here is a sample of some of the things I love about both:
witty
generous
smart
funny
dedicated
warm
cuddly
powerful
loving
sensitive
committed
goofy
good friend
kind

Some were obviously for Terri:
artistic
funky
patient
spontaneous
compassionate

Some were obviously for Maya:
athletic
fiery
comical
dramatic
dimple

It surprised me that the first 25 or so words that came to my mind were true for both Terri and Maya, the most important women in my life. Hmm. There is something to that. They seem so different from one another, yet share so many positive, meaningful traits.

After awhile their individual traits sprang to mind, then flowed quite easily. I took a note pad and pen with me around the house as I got ready for work and filled them out as things occurred to me.

I scattered notes up our stairs, hung them from the chandelier, tacked them in doorways and through the hall, inside and outside the medicine cabinet. Even stuck one to the TV remote and near the car keys.

I asked them to identify which characterestics belonged to whom and which they shared.

"You mean we have some in common?" Terri asked.

"Yes, quite a lot", I replied.

"Well I know "pointy-finger dance" belongs to Mama", Maya said jokingly.

"And fierce belongs to you", I said.

We all smiled at their fabulousness.

Day 32: Compliment 3 strangers

Challenge Day 32: Compliment 3 strangers

I'm fairly outgoing and not uncomfortable doling compliments, so this challenge wasn't too difficult. As with many of these challenges, though, it created unexpected and wonderful side effects. Simple compliments became meaningful dialogues, so much more than just, "Nice shoes." "Thanks".

Compliment 1:
In the morning I was out in the yard taking down Halloween decorations. A woman and her dog walked by across the street. The dog was black with a lean, lithe body and a curly coat cut very short. It's gait was like a horse's prance, very regal and as if it was holding back the power and urge to take off at full gallop. I think it was a Standard Poodle with a close-clipped hair cut. She was off leash prancing a few feet ahead of her owner.
"Beautiful dog", I said.
"Thanks", the woman said.
"She looks like a runner", I said.
"What?" the woman said.
I realized the woman might've thought I was providing judgmental commentary about her dog being off leash. So I clarified.
"She is in great shape and looks like she loves to run."
"Oh, she does. You should see her. This is what I do to get her to run", the woman said. Then the woman squatted down a bit and sprang forward stomping her feet and raising her arms. The universal sign language to dogs that you want to play. Well it worked. The dog turned toward her owner - repeating the same gesture - bowed down, front paws forward, butt up in the air, then bounded up into a full, glorious gallop circling the neighbor's front yard. The look on the dog's face was pure, unbridled joy. Just wonderful. The woman and I said a few more words, wished each other a nice day, then they continued along their walk.


Compliment 2:
We were sitting at the very top of the bleachers in the shade at Maya's soccer game. An outgoing and gaily-dressed older woman was sitting next to me. She had offered to scoot over to let us sit in the shade and we were sharing commentary about the game. She was dressed in a matching bright salmon-colored top and capris with a hand-sewn rainbow patterned visor, the kind sold at craft fairs. She was so nice, I really wanted to give her a compliment. But what? The outfit? The visor? What to say and be honest and not just making something up. I noticed she was sitting on a colorful, mod-funky Mickey Mouse blanket. It was actually kind of groovy.
"I like your blanket. Is that Mickey Mouse?" I inquired. That was all it took.
She unfolded the blanket to show me. "I got it at Wal-Mart', she said, "I had never shopped there before, never wanted to step foot into a Wal-Mart." That opened up a thoughtful discussion between us about the mega retailer. We shared a common guilt about the few times we'd shopped there. (My negative judgment about Wal-Mart has actually softened over the last few years since my mom works there. When no other employer would hire a 70 year-old woman, they did. My mom says they treat her well, provide benefits, and even gave her a raise.)
I discovered the woman is Maya's coach's mom. Maya has an amazing woman coach. Well then the compliments just flowed about what a wonderful daughter this woman raised and what an effective coach her daughter is. I had a great time talking with her. BTW, Maya's team won 3 -0, Maya scored 2 goals.

Compliment 3:
After the day of the dead/fall festival at church, we went out to dinner. Next to our table, was a family waiting to be seated. The little girl with them was beautiful. She had wild, naturally streaked golden ringlet curls cascading down her head. Her face was painted like a colorful skull - they too must've been at some type of festival. It was a long wait for a table and she was getting a bit antsy. I had a cute little skeleton ornament-type thing I had won at our festival. I went and got it and crouched down next to the little girl to show it to her. Her eyes lit up. "Do you want it?" I asked. She nodded her head, curls bouncing. The skeleton toy had a very large, over-sized bald skull.
"My skeleton is sad because he doesn't have any hair", I said, "Can I give him to you so he can enjoy your beautiful hair?"
She nodded again, beaming. I clipped the toy onto the zipper of the little girl's jacket. Her mom looked down smiling, "Wow, that's so nice honey, what do you say to the nice lady?"
"She's got the most fabulous hair", I said to the mom.
"Thank you. I know. Sadly, she'll probably hate it when she gets older", she replied. We both laughed. "Yes, I know how that goes", I said, "My daughter has beautiful hair and hates it." We both laughed and got that knowing, mother's grin.

Day 31: Write a love letter to Maya.

Challenge Day 31: Write a love letter to Maya

Maya is a great kid. She's been so fun the last couple days. She's been witty, giggly and goofy, Broadway theatrical, a little bit stand up comic, and just such a joy to be around. So this is the perfect time to write her a letter to tell her this and to thank her for making our home so fun lately.

It isn't always this way. These last 2 years, since starting junior high school and becoming a teenager, have been difficult. She's still a great kid. It's just that the stresses of hormones, peer pressure, grueling school work, friends, social networking, boyfriend, etc. have been hard on her. She bottles everything up and lets out the monster at the safest possible place...home. Terri and I get the brunt of all her pent up anxiety and anger. We're coping better now that we have in the past. And it's surprising how the better we've learned to respond the better Maya seems to be. We were taking outbursts too personally and being too reactive to behaviors. Now that we've relaxed a bit, so has Maya. She's just a kid, still trying to figure things out. God, I remember how scary it was being a teenager. And it's way harder for kids now.

So we wrap our loving arms around her the best we can and let her know we're always there for her.

Dear Maya,
The last couple of days it has been especially fun being your mom. You’ve been so joyful, witty, and outright hilarious. Thank you for filling our home with your warm laughter and energy. You have such a beautiful smile and it’s so heartwarming to see you happy. I feel like I’ve gotten a glimpse of the amazing woman you are to become and it makes me so proud.

Being a teenager sucks. You’re under so much pressure from school, friends, Stephen, us, and everything else. If I could take all the pain and stress away, I would. My heart aches when you are upset and struggling. In time, things will get easier.
I love you so much.

Love,
Mommy

Day 30: Select 12 random acts to do over the next year

Challenge Day 30: Go to http://www.pinterest.com/ourfamily07/random-acts-ideas/ and make a list of 12 items to do once a month over the next year.

I love that this challenge won't be completely over on my birthday and will be the gift that keeps on giving.

So I go to the pinterest page. Wow, there are lots of photos of very inspirational ideas. I found some great ideas. Many ideas are things one doesn't really plan in advance. They are truly random - a situation arises and you just spontaneously perform a kind act. I love the woman who saw the harried parents with a new baby and paid for their meal. Many of the pinterest site ideas are photos without explanations. So I sought out some other resources.

I found some other websites too.

http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/kindness-ideas?page=3
http://www.therandomact.org/

Here is a list of 12 things I plan to do over the next year.

Pay someone's tab
Clean up trash in my neighborhood
Make and deliver care packs for the homeless (blanket, toiletries, socks, etc.)
Cook a meal for someone
Thank my mom
Pay someone's parking
Share fresh produce with neighbors
Rub a loved one's back
Praise my boss
Bake something for someone
Be polite on the road
Take/send flowers to someone

I hope to do many more than this list. I hope to be attentive and look for opportunities to help others. There is truly nothing that feels better than helping someone else.

Day 29: Take a nap...

Challenge Day 29: Take a nap...a real nap. No TV or book allowed.


I was overjoyed when I selected and read this challenge. BEST challenge ever! I would not have felt that way a few months ago. I'm a busy brain and have a life history of difficulty sleeping. As a kid, nap time was like extreme punishment. There is just so much to do and life to live - can't be wasting it sleeping. This challenge has helped me find a more tranquil state of mind. If not for that, it's doubtful I'd have been able to fall asleep and take a nap in the middle of the day. But I did.

I usually read to fall asleep. There's nothing like being absorbed into a story to free my mind of distracting thoughts. With no book, how would I get my mind clear enough? Oh wait, I've got a great idea. I ate my lunch so I'd have a full stomach. Then,(don't tell my boss, ok?), I went to the Stone store and got a beer taster to make myself super relaxed. So I went back to work and parked in the shade. Today was a perfect day, too. Chilly air but gorgeous, warm sunshine. The temperature in the car was perfect. I cracked the windows, reclined the seat back, took off my shoes, and laid back. Before I knew it I was in the middle of a dream. Then the sound of voices woke me up. I was completely disoriented, so I knew it was a good deep sleep. It wasn't long, maybe 20-30 minutes of the perfect power nap.

Besides being more relaxed, participating in, or rather living, this challenge has brought about some profound positive mental and emotional changes. A natural born cynic, I've found myself instead looking for the positive in things. Isn't it funny how we will always find what we look for? I feel as if my eyes have been opened a bit wider and are seeing more beauty. And not just that, but there are little coincidences or maybe call them chance occurrences or connections happening around me that hadn't happened in the past. Perhaps they were always occurring but I missed them because I wasn't aware. Now it's as if I'm attracting wonderful coincidences - or that the little orbits around me are aligning.

One such little coincidence was reading the book Tapestry of Fortunes by Elizabeth Berg. I had no plan to read it. I had a whole list of books I wanted to read and none were available at the library on Kindle. Terri looked through available Kindle books and randomly selected it for me. So I thought, what the heck, I don't have anything else to read right now, so I read it. It's about a middle-aged woman who meets new friends and they all decide to make dramatic changes in their lives - facing fears and pushing out of their comfort zones. It's an easy, fun read - nothing literary. I was struck by the central message: "it's never too late to start over" and how the book came to me purely by chance right when I was beginning this challenge. Just a coincidence or did I somehow attract this story to me just when I needed to read it?

Day 28: Make Maya a playlist of meaningful songs.

Challenge Day 28: Make Maya a playlist of meaningful songs.

For my strong, powerful daughter, it's all about the girl power playlist. Here's what I've got so far:

Beyoncé - Run the World
Lorde - Royals
Sheryl Crow - All I Wanna Do
Pink - F**kin' Perfect
Jojo - Leave
Alicia Keys - Girl on Fire
Selena Gomez - Who Says
Kelly Clarkson - Stronger and Miss Independent
Demi Lovato - Skyscraper
Christina Aguilera - Beautiful
Jordin Sparks - One Step at a Time
Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten
Vanessa Hudgins - Never Underestimate a Girl
Destiny's Child - Independent Woman part 1
Joan Jett - I Love Rock & Roll

I'm sure there's got to be a good Mary J. Blige, Adele, and Aretha Franklin song too.

Day 27: Make your family's favorite dinner,,,

Challenge Day 27: Make your family's favorite dinner AND do the dishes. Set the table FANCY - use candles, dress up, nicer dishes, background music.

This is a nice way to start the work week. The biggest challenge will be finding a "favorite" meal. My family members have very different tastes in foods. For starters, Terri is a gluten-free vegetarian. Maya, still has the adventure and flavor averse palette of a 4 year-old and only eats foods like cheese pizza, cheeseburgers, chicken strips, French fries. I'll eat pretty much anything. There are the usual meals we all eat a lot, like tostadas and pasta, but those are compromises, not favorites.

Let me think. Think, think, think. Well, everyone in the family likes breakfast. Terri's favorite meal is Huevos Rancheros and Maya LOVES bacon. We all like blueberry pancakes. That's perfect.

So I got off work, stopped by the store for a few ingredients, stopped by my neighbor's to borrow 3 plates,(we have no nice dishes - just the Fiesta ware we use every day), went home, kicked the family out of the kitchen, set the table then started cooking. I gave them both invitations to dinner and requested they dress up too. (Terri and Maya were bundled up in sweats and slippers when I got home - I knew getting them to dress up would be iffy. Terri agreed but Maya said it was way too cold in our house for a little dress).

The menu: Huevos Rancheros Verdes, - an easy-to-make and tasty version topped with green sauce, lime juice infused cilantro and scallion and avocado slices- http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes/huevos_rancheros_verdes.html
Blueberry pancakes with Pamela's G/F baking mix, pure maple syrup, bacon for Maya, and sparkling orange juice in champagne glasses.

It was fun to sit down together at a fancy table with candles, "champagne", nice place settings and cutlery, and background music. Maya didn't know which fork to use. (We gotta get that girl out more often).

Everyone loved the meal - all plates were practically licked clean.

I even enjoyed my time alone in the kitchen cleaning up afterward - it felt more special, almost like an honor to be doing it.

Day 26: Thank your letter carrier...

Challenge Day 26: Thank your letter carrier with a little note or gift.

This is a sweet challenge. I love reminders to express gratitude.

We happen to currently have a substitute filling in for our regular mail carrier. Our mail hasn't been getting delivered until well after 6:00 p.m. I feel so sorry for the guy when I see him pull up after dark. It must be so hard to deliver on an unfamiliar route that takes so long. He's been working some very long days and is probably exhausted. He deserves some appreciation.

So I wrote him a thank you card and tucked a chocolate bar inside. Today is Sunday so he won't get it until tomorrow. I hope he likes it.

Thanks to whoever submitted this challenge.

Day 25: Stay in bed or sleep until 8am.

Challenge Day 25: Stay in bed or sleep until 8am.

I wake up this morning at 5:58 a.m. I'm a morning person - 6 am is my norm. Unlike normal people, I lay in bed impatiently and can't wait to get up every day. I've been like that my entire life. Once as a kid I remember getting up early one morning and playing with my toys in my room. My mom came into my room asking what I was doing. Evidently it was still the middle of the night, not morning. Guess I jumped the gun.

So by 5:58 a.m. this morning I was wide awake and already making the list of things I'd do with my quiet, alone time...maybe make a cup of tea and read my book or maybe clean the kitchen and bathroom. It was still pitch black in our bedroom. I swung my legs out of bed, grabbed the challenge box, placed it on my lap and blindly fished out one of the folded pieces of paper. Challenge, Kindle and reading glasses in hand, I headed for the bathroom. After my morning ritual including face washing and teeth brushing, I put on my reading glasses and read the challenge. What!? Stay in bed!? Well, OK. So I headed back to the bedroom. Since I was already wide awake, sleeping was out of the question, but I could certainly go back and stay in bed another 2 hours. I wanted to read but Terri was still sound asleep so turning on my bedside lamp didn't seem like a good idea. Wait, I know. Donning a headlamp, like when we go camping, I settled back into bed. Who cares if I look like a total dork, it's effective and won't be too bright. OK, so maybe it was a little brighter than I realized. Disoriented, eyes wide open, yet still half asleep, Terri sat up, "What's happening?" she said, then rolled back over without an answer.

I fluffed up my pillows and settled back in to continue reading The Orphan Master's Son. I began to relax and let go of my thoughts that laying idly in bed was wasting time. You mean I don't have to pop out of bed and start doing stuff? After about 45 minutes I even surprised myself by falling back asleep briefly. Before I knew it Terri was getting up. I glanced at the clock...8:01. Hey, I did it, I really did it and it was not so bad. It was actually a bit luxurious and hedonistic.

What perfect luck too to pull this challenge on a Saturday when I could really enjoy it. Though being late to work would've been a little fun too.

Challenge 21 Update: Today is the last day of the week, thus the last day of my challenge not to make the bed all week. After 4 days of the bed being unmade, my dear, non-neat freak wife couldn't take it anymore and she made the bed. :-)

Day 24: Have Maya teach you...

Challenge Day 24: Have Maya teach you a song on the guitar or ukelele.

A challenge dependent on the timetable, moods and whims of a 13 year-old is a challenge in itself. Once I could get Maya to agree to sit down with me, or even speak with me, this was a fun challenge. Anyone who has or has had a teen daughter knows what I'm talking about. Between her busy schedule: home from school at 4pm, dinner at 5pm, soccer practice at 6pm, friend over at 8pm, and her attitude, "School sucks!" "This dinner is gross." "Don't touch me" "Don't talk to me". I had about a 15 minute window after soccer practice before movie-watching.

For all her earlier refusal, after we got back home, Maya was the one who went down to her bedroom and walked upstairs holding her guitar and some sheet music for our "lesson". She decided to teach me the Bruno Mars song, Marry You. So she played the song once through and I really paid attention. I mean we pay attention to her music playing and singing, but more from a performance or entertainment standpoint. This time I was watching, staring at her fingers knowing I'd be expected to do likewise. I realized quite quickly that's it's very complicated and not easy at all. She hands me the guitar and tries to guide my fingers on the neck of the guitar onto the strings. Index finger up on 4th string, middle finger on 1st string, ring finger on 2nd string, just the tips of my fingers and press down hard. It felt so awkward. Now strum and she tells me the complicated strumming pattern. I strum the very first strum and she detects the off-note sound of me holding the strings incorrectly. She tries to manipulate my fingers properly. It was like playing Twister with my fingers. I couldn't even get the first note right. I think I'm a bit hopeless as a guitar player. After several attempts and my determination to butcher the poor song, we decide the lesson is over.

Though the lesson, thus the challenge, didn't last long, it was no less meaningful. Most of these challenges are not about the doing of the challenge. It's about overcoming the resistance, the emotions felt, insights discovered, and/or the opportunities created. Today's challenge was not about learning a song on the guitar. It was about having a rare, precious moment with my daughter. I am so grateful for that.

Day 23: Sing in the car...

Day 23: Sing in the car every time you get in the car for the entire day even if people are in the car.

Sounds like a fun, uplifting challenge. Exactly what I needed today. To get me in the mood I dug through my CDs this morning for something fun and upbeat that I could sing on my car trip. Basia? Nah, too sappy. Pink? Love the energy and girl power, but a little angry and intense for today. I got it. Madonna. The "You Can Dance" CD is perfect. Holiday, Where's the Party, Spotlight, so many good choices.

Besides singing and listening in the car, I brought Madonna with me to the office and played her on repeat all day. A coworker commented that I had a dance party in my office. Exactly!

I've got a standing desk and today realized another great benefit it provides: dancing while I work. How is it possible that music can so completely permeate and influence mood? I felt energized and playful all day.

We've got plans with friends tonight and we're driving everyone in our van. I can't wait to belt out some Madonna for them.

Where's the party, I want to free my soul
Where's the party, I want to lose control
Where's the party, I want to free my soul
Where's the party, I want to lose control

Couldn't wait to get older
Thought I'd have so much fun
Guess I'm one of the grown-ups
Now I have to get the job done
People give me the business
I'm not living in fear
I'm just living in chaos
Gotta get away from here

Day 22: Create a New Dance Move...

Challenge Day 22: Create a New Dance Move and Teach it to 2 People.

It's funny how each mystery challenge is exactly what I need each day. I woke up in a gloomy funk today that I couldn't shake most the day. The last thing I could envision myself doing was conjuring up the enthusiasm to dance today. By late afternoon I started feeling better.

After dinner I remembered I still had the challenge to do. Before we got involved in other pursuits, I told the family it was time to learn a new dance move. I must admit, I didn't create this dance today - it's recycled. In 6th grade my friend Teresa and I made up a dance to our then favorite song, Kung Fu Fighting, from 1974. I couldn't remember our entire dance but I remembered the gist of some of the moves.

We found the song on iTunes and turned up the volume. Hmm, now how did that dance go again? I think it was karate chop, karate chop, karate chop, spin turn, squat, jump up kick karate chop. Or something like that. My 13 year-old could not stop laughing and wanted nothing to do with my lame moves. Terri wasn't much more cooperative.

Maya finally agreed to play along only if she could make our poor little Chihuahua, Lola, do the dance too. Whatever. It was fun and we were laughing. After a few demonstrations and one too many karate kicks, I pulled a muscle in my back and fell to the floor laughing hysterically. So it was a good day for dancing after all.

Day 21: Don't make the bed...all week.

Challenge Day 21: Don't make the bed...all week.

I'm very obsessive about my bed being made. Weekends, weekdays, someone still in the bed, I'll make it. I was very late for work once years ago and didn't make it(yes, just once) and when I came home from work I had to make it before I could go to bed. I've been known to remake it if Terri makes it and the covers or pillows aren't just right. It's a sickness, I know. It's so much of a sickness, that this morning when I pulled this challenge out of the box, I had already made the bed...and I was still in it! No kidding. While still laying there, I pulled up the blankets and comforter, fluffed and straightened the pillows, and then sat up and pulled this challenge. (The challenge rules are to pull a challenge out of the box each day before I get out of bed - it doesn't say anything about before making the bed). So I actually had to unmake and mess up the bed for this challenge.

"We don't have to make the bed all week?" my wife asked a bit too cheerily this morning. "No, I can't make the bed - you can still make it," I replied. She just laughed. That bed is so not getting made this week.

Someone asked me once years ago why it was so important to make my bed if no one was going to see it but me. "What if someone breaks in?" I responded. Huh? Like I want to impress a burglar? I'm just a freak. I know it. I won't argue with you.

More than I need my desk neat, my drawers organized, and my car clean, I need my bed made. All will be well in the world if my bed is made and everything around me is orderly. It's as if my brain cannot focus and my breathing cannot regulate unless everything around me within my control is controlled. Like the clutter muddles my brain and obstructs my air way. Is that borderline or full OCD?

I LOVE everything neat as a pin and completely clutter-free. I don't think that will ever change. Yet, I also realize that my need, my demand, my unbending attempt to completely control the planets and stars of my universe have held me back. My need to have all the chores done and everything in its place before I can relax and go have fun has prevented me from living fully.

I'll never be a slob. I don't want to be. That's not the point of this challenge. I love that I love neatness and order. The point is to let go of the attachment, the judgement associated with disorder. I want to learn how not to be knocked out of orbit when shoes are on the floor and dishes are in the sink...and the bed isn't made. I want to be able to play around clutter and leave the house if the bed isn't made and understand that life as I know it will be OK.

Part of the reason for doing this crazy 50 Days to Fabulous 50 Challenge is to loosen my grasp on some of the things to which I hold on so tightly...the things that also hold me back. I don't want to be on my deathbed thinking, "I wish I would've lived life more and had fun, but at least my bed was made."

So for the rest of the week, my bed will be unmade. I'm doing pretty good so far. I'm functioning, able to work, not having any anxiety, and no burglars think any less of me. I might really cut loose and invite friends over for a dinner party this week at our house with an unmade bed. Oh, this challenge is turning me into such a wild woman.

Day 20: Take baked goods to a fire station or police station.

Challenge Day 20: Take baked goods to a fire station or police station.
Yippee! This is a very fun challenge. I love to bake. And I knew right away that I wanted to bake cookies for our local Eagle Rock fire station - they are so nice. I decided to also take cookies to Pasadena Station 38 - the fire fighters who performed the recent emergency response training for our church. They were so helpful, informative, and kind.

What kind of cookies should I make? Firefighters have a reputation of being good cooks, so nothing too ordinary. I decided to make one of my favorite recipes, Cherry Chocolate Chunk Oatmeal Cookies (secret ingredient - orange zest).

So after work I baked while Maya did homework. Mmm. Nothing like the smell of baking cookies. Delightful. I doubled the usual batch and ended up with 8 dozen - way too many cookies. Oh darn, guess we have to eat some. They tasted pretty good too. As my daughter said, "Yo brah, these cookies are legit." That means good, right?

I wrapped each plate in cellophane and colorful ribbon with a nice thank you note. Maya was uncharacteristically amenable to going with me to drop them off. She even changed her clothes and applied a little mascara. Hmm. No surprise there - those guys at Station 38 are a bit hunky.

So off we went. On the way we talked about how grateful we are to fire fighters for risking their lives for us and other unsung heroes deserving of our gratitude - like the local crossing guard lady.

We dropped off the cookies and expressed our thanks at both stations. The fire fighters were very appreciative. Maya commented how she felt like such a good Samaritan. It did feel good to share our gratitude in this way.

I think we'll practice gratitude like this more often.